I always find a nice gentle irony in the fact that my blog is called “Life Beyond The List”, yet I pretty much live my life through lists. At work, i’m the queen of the to-do list, and at home, it’s pretty much the same. Only lately, that irony hasn’t felt so nice and gentle. It’s felt downright irritating and uncomfortable.

When did i become incapable of spontaneity? I used to be capable of it, pretty sure about that. In fact, I used to be really darn good at it! But recently, anything “off plan”, whether it’s a food item on a menu, a trip somewhere, or even a drink with the girls, has become a chore, another thing on the list, something that requires its own mini plan of how to get there and enjoy it. And that can be fraught with anxiety, much like the type that Gen Y blogger, Rebecca Thorman describes over at Modite. Just like her, i find myself ‘nesting’ my way out of anxiety, staying home or ducking out to avoid the stress related with erm, having fun. Just like her, i’m a highly productive member of the workforce, can be counted on to do the right things by my friends (remember, i always have a plan!), and I’m sure I’m enriching my life by ticking off things on the big, fat to do list. Only, it would be nice if sometimes i could switch off the list making freak in my brain, and just chill out.

The problem came home to roost last night, at mine and Rick’s Lindy Hop class. The class last night was all about improvisation. The art of letting go and doing something off-plan, off-message, off the beat, whatever! Just going with the flow and seeing where your feet, and the music, took you. Well, hands up for guessing who found that a problem? I pride myself on being able to follow choreography well. Not so good when the choreography is non-existent! Even my inherent dancing skills couldn’t save me from my very English reticence and control-freakery terror of not knowing what to do next! In the end, I managed to let go, and even, gasp, enjoy myself. But it was a long road!

I took a good lesson away from dance class last night. And no, it wasn’t just the belly slide move, although that was a good one! It was to try and re-train my brain in the art of thinking off-plan. Even just some of the time. I think it would re-energize my creative juices and enable me to get back to the person i was in my 20s. Without the mini skirts and caked on bronzer. Ahem.