Life Beyond The List

I’ve reached the end of my 30 day yoga challenge! If people remember, this was a special introductory fee at my local yoga class, and a reason for me to dive back into the world of flexing, bending and stretching.

Even though my schedule is pretty insane, I’ve tried really hard to go to as many classes as I can after work. It’s been tough to get there on time, and i’ve even refused a few midweek social occasions so i can make my class (I know, crazy), but I averaged about 4 classes a week, plus either a gym session or a hike on a weekend too.

So, how do i feel? In one word. Renewed.

When i started the month, it had been many years since I’d set foot in a yoga studio, despite being a pretty intense devotee in my 20s. I was feeling fairly burnt out, a little overwhelmed by a lot of changes in my life and just a little rundown. And on the first few nights, i found myself silently wondering, “why am i in a really hot room, with a bunch of strangers, stretching my limbs until i feel they might fall out of their sockets, and trying not to fall over?” I was stiff, unpracticed, and being a perfectionist, unhappy with what i saw when i looked in the mirror. I couldn’t even breathe properly! (Note to anyone interested in yoga, the breath is all important, and it can be very, very hard to get right). I felt out of shape and out of synch.

But, I persevered. Even when i didn’t really feel like it. And even one trying Sunday morning after a late Saturday night out. I guess yoga helps sweat the toxins out!

And little by little, I started to feel better. The poses came first. I got accustomed to the awkwardness of a lot of them, although I still have a long way to go. Have you ever tried to pretzel your way into Eagle pose, or the dreaded Awkward pose? Yes, there is a pose named for what it is! I’m making progress, but i still get days when the thought of having to go to the next pose in the series just makes me want to weep. Or when my legs shake so much, they might give way. And believe me, yoga teachers show no mercy in their pursuit of your betterment. Which is as it should be. But i still struggled with the breathing, even as the poses got a teeny tiny bit easier.

But then came something even better than starting to get the hang of the physical poses. I started to feel mentally clearer. During yoga, you need periods of intense concentration, followed by a relaxation into the deep foundation of the fullest stretch. Relaxing into something that hurts? Yep, sounds counter intuitive. Until you remember the advice of Buddhist teacher, Pema Chodron, who tells us to “lean into the sharp points” of life. I remember reading this in her book “When Things Fall Apart“, and it made so much sense to me at a time when I really needed it. I’d forgotten this wonderful gem until I started up a regular yoga practice again. In those moments of discomfort, even pain, there’s a great learning moment, followed by moments of clarity.

And that’s what yoga’s benefits are all about.

Since doing regular classes for a month, I feel more clear-sighted, calmer, more productive and more positive. Plus, I can’t deny the purely aesthetic benefits of seeing long-forgotten muscles start to tone up! There’s a long way to go, and I haven’t turned into a smiling Buddha overnight. Far from it. Life continues to throw challenges and curveballs, and i don’t always deal with them as gracefully as I aspire to. But yoga, like life, is a daily and ongoing practice. You learn, grow and develop each time you practice. Just like in life.

I also love how Brenda P from cool yoga blog “Grounding Thru The Sit Bones” describes her yoga practice: “I like the logic and structure. I know one thing will lead to the next and, as this progression unfolds, I will move deeper into the practice and into calm. I can rely on it. It’s not that the rest of my life is super-chaotic, but my yoga practice feels like my protected, quiet center.”

As a self-professed lover of structure and organization, and someone who appreciates knowing what is around the corner, there is something in this statement about yoga that soothes me and appeals to me on a very deep level. It’s exactly that – a protected space which I can rely on, and where there is always room for my feelings and for my forward development. Regardless of the mood in which I enter the class, there is always something new I can pull out emotionally, mentally or physically from a class, even if the poses proceed in the same manner and same sequence each time. And it doesn’t judge you if those steps are baby steps one day, and giant leaps the next.

It also brings back my long-forgotten muscle memory. Honed from years of dancing, but discarded as I entered a new phase of adulthood, it just feels good to point and stretch again. As basic a pleasure as it is, pointing my toe and stretching my foot makes me remember what my body can do.

Even after the longest day, and as I finish my first 30 days and dive into the next 30 (yes, i’m continuing the practice), I always, always, feel better for having dragged my behind into that class.

Even if i still don’t have a clue how to breathe…

Photo credit: Andrew Woodburn